Interview with the Titans
by Techno Skittles
Summary: Just as the title implies. I, with some help with a few friends, interview each member of Titans South. Finished!
1. Interview with Raven

**Author's Note: **

**WARNING:** Twilight and MySpace bashing. Just warning you. Also, if you want to know what was real and what is fake read the author's comments at the bottom. Now on to the interview!

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Me: Hi!

Raven: Hi.

Me: Hi!

Raven: . . .Hi?

Me: Hi!

Raven: =_= Would you stop that?

Me: Yah! *nods*

Raven: . . .You ok?

Me: . Maaaaayybeeee. . .

Raven: Maybe we should do this later. . .

No! We can do it now!

Raven: Fine. Just hurry up.

Me: Ok. owo

Raven: So?

Me: So what?

Raven: The interview. . .

Me: Oh right!

Raven: *facepalm*

Me: Um. . .What's your favorite book?

Raven: Can't say.

Me: I like most vampire books.

Raven: Good for you.

Me: Except for Twilight. That's gay. XP

Raven: Okay then.

Me: What kind of vampire sparkles?

Raven: There are sparkling vampires in the book?

Me: Yep.

Raven: That _is_ gay.

Me: Purple.

Raven: Excuse me?

Me: You're excused.

Raven: What?

Me: Huh?

Raven: What are you talking about?

Me: GRAWR.

Raven: o.o

Me: What do you do in your free time?

Raven: *still kind of confused* Uh. Depends. Sometimes I read, or meditate, and of course hang out with the other Titans.

Me: I like reading, too.

Raven: That's good. Reading's good for-

Me: Do you have a MySpace?

Raven: That was rude. It's not nice to interrupt someone.

Me: I'm not very nice. Now answer the question.

Raven: Fine. No, I don't have a MySpace.

Me: Good. MySpace sucks. Facebook has better apps. Do you have a Facebook?

Raven: No.

Me: Make one.

Raven: Why should I?

Me: Because I Said So. Ever seen that movie?

Raven: It's a movie?

Me: Yeah. There are sex scenes in it.

Raven: o.e Didn't need to know that. . .

Me: Have you and BB had sex yet?

Raven: . . .WTF?!

Me: That's not an answer.

Raven: Well you're not getting one. *crosses arms*

Me: Why not?

Raven: Because that's personal and private!

Me: So? I want to know!

Raven: You have no respect for other people's privacy, do you?

Me: Nope. Now have you?

Raven: . . .I told you, I'm not telling.

Me: You have, haven't you?

Raven: *blushes deeply* Uh. . .Well. . .Um. . .

Me: Haha! Caught!

Raven: So what?

Me: So how big is he?

Raven: Huh?

Me: His cock.

Raven: o.o *blushes deeper* That's none of your business.

Me: Whatever. Do you like dinosaurs?

Raven: Dinosaurs?

Me: Dinosaurs.

Raven: They're extinct.

Me: Dinosaurs.

Raven: Yes. Dinosaurs.

Me: Dinosaurs

Raven: Yeah. They died out a million years ago.

Me: Dinosaurs.

Raven: Yes. Dinosaurs.

Me: DINOSAURS ATE MY CRUMPETS!

Raven: What?!

Ember: Oh no! The crumpets!

Raven: Wait. Where'd she come from?

Me: The parlor!

Raven: The parlor?

Ember: The parlor!

Raven: What parlor?

Me: The dinosaurs are in the parlor!

Raven: What? Dinosaurs are extinct!

Ember: The parlor!

Raven: What parlor?!

Me: They're eating all the crumpets!

Ember: Oh no! The crumpets!

Raven: Why would dinosaurs eat crumpets?

Me: Now he's eating a salad.

Raven: Dinosaurs are extinct!

Me: With the wrong fork!

Ember: NOOOOOOO! The wrong fork! *faints*

Raven: The wrong fork?

Ember: Cumquats.

Raven: Cumquats?

Ember: No. Cumquats.

Raven: I just said that.

Ember: No. Cumquats.

Me: And pineapples.

Raven: Why are we talking about fruits?

Me: We aren't. We're interviewing you.

Raven: *opens mouth and closes it again* =_= You guys are freaks.

Me: We prefer the term "strange".

Raven: Whatever.

Me: What's your favorite movie?

Raven: I don't watch movies.

Me: What about Wicked Scary?

Raven: Except for that one.

Me: Did you like it?

Raven: What do you think?

Ember: That the dinosaurs drank all the tea?

Raven: I wasn't asking you.

Ember: Yes you were.

Raven: No I wasn't. I was asking her. *points to me*

Me: I'm so special!!

Raven: Yes you are. Not in a good way, though.

Ember: I wanna be special!

Raven: You're both special.

Ember: Yay!

Me: So what's your favorite movie?

Raven: I don't have one.

Me: Mine's Hancock.

Raven: That's nice.

Me: Especially the sex scene.

Illyana: Sex scene!

Raven: You're obsessed with sex scenes, aren't you? By the way, where'd she come from?

Illyana: Your mom!

Raven: . . .

Ember: Unicorns!

Me: Sparkly unicorns!

Raven: Are purely fictional.

Me: No they're not.

Ember: I have a pet unicorn.

Raven: What? No you don't!

Ember: Yes I do!

Me: I have a pet rock. owo

Raven: A pet. . .rock?

Me: Uh huh. It gave birth to pebbles last week.

Ember: Really? I wanna see!

Raven: That's impossible.

Illyana: I'm the daddy.

Raven: But you're a girl!

Illyana: So?

Me: I ate them.

Ember: Awwww :(

Raven: Why'd you do that? You could've choked!

Me: I did.

Ember: I choked on a pixy stick and died!

Raven: But you're here.

Ember: Obviously.

Raven: How?

Me: I resurrected her.

Illyana: Why?

Me: She's my buddy!

Raven: You all are weird.

Illyana: Your mom!

Me: So what's your favorite color?

Raven: Blue.

Me: Mine's purple!

Ember: Me too!

Illyana: I have AIDS!

Raven: You what?!

Me: Billy's favorite color is orange!

Illyana: I'm a hooker!

Raven: *scoots away from Illyana*

Ember: BILLY!

Me: Is a pedophile.

Raven: Who the hell is Billy?

Me: Our buddy.

Raven: You're friends with a pedophile?

Me: Nope.

Ember: We're _buddies_ with a pedophile.

Raven: I won't be surprised if you get raped.

Me: Too late.

Ember: Already happened.

Raven: By who?

Illyana: Me!

Raven: o.o

Ember: We sang the RAPE song, but she wouldn't listen.

Raven: RAPE song?

Me: Yeah! It goes like this!

Me & Ember: Stop! Don't touch me there! That is my private square! R-A-P-E! Get your hands away from me!

Raven: I'm sorry I asked.

Rachael: Hi!

Illyana: What's up?

Raven: Who are you?

Rachael: I'm a drug addict!

Illyana: I'm an alcoholic!

Me: I though you were a hooker?

Illyana: I changed my mind.

Raven: All of you have problems.

Me: Who's your best friend?

Raven: Starfire, I guess.

Rachael: Crack's my best friend!

Illyana: I like beer.

Me: When I was a baby, I ran into a glass door and got a slight concussion.

Raven: That explains so much.

Illyana: Can we move this interview to the top of a skyscraper?

Rachael: Whoo! Skyscraper!

Me: Otay!

Raven: Why?

Me: Just c'mon!

*Forty stories up a skyscraper and on the roof later*

Me: *looks over edge* We're really high up!

Raven: *has unresistable urge to push her over* Can we just get this over with?

Me: Otay! Um. What's you favorite song? And music artist?

Illyana: P. Diddy! No! Ke$ha! No! George!

Rachael: "Trying to get a little bit typsyyyyy!"

Ember: w00t! *sways*

Raven: Evanescence. Favorite song would be Missing by Evanescence.

Me: Take it Off by Ke$ha!

Ember: Dinosaur plastique!

Me: Oh la la!

Raven: What?

Me: It's French speak!

Josie: All of you are freaks!

Me & Ember: Josie Francine!!!! XDDD

Raven: Josie Francine?

Me: He's our buddy, too!

Josie: *runs away*

Rachael: Bye Josie!

Ember: See you in French tomorrow!

Raven: *thinks about running away, too*

Illyana: Hey Rachael!

Rachael: Yeah?

Illyana: There's something really shiny on the sidewalk below!

Rachael: Really??

Me: I wanna see shiny!

Ember: No! My shiny! *slaps me*

Illyana: Yeah. Wanna take a look?

Raven: *trying to calm self*

Me: *turns around and slaps Raven*

Raven: *eyes glow red*

Rachael: Okay! *looks over edge* I can't see anything! It's too far down!

Illyana: Let me help you with that! *pushes over edge*

Me: Raven's eyes are glowing!

Ember: Coffee!

Raven: I'm out of here! *walks towards door*

Me: Noooooo! We're not done yet! *glomps*

Raven: Oof! *falls to ground* Get off of me!

Me: We're not done with the interview!

Raven: Still?

Me: *nods*

Rachael: Hey! I see it n-*splat*

Raven: What other questions do you have?

Illyana: Do you have AIDS?

Raven: What? Of course not!

Illyana: You want 'em?

Raven: NO!

Illyana: You sure?

Raven: Very.

Illyana: Okay then.

Raven: *turns to me* Will you get off now?

Me: Okay.

Illyana: I FUCKING LOVE CHEESE TOAST!

Ember: Popcorn.

Raven: *twitch* Can I leave now?

Me: Sure. Tell Beast Boy he's next! Come back soon!

Raven: Don't count on it. *teleports away*

Illyana: We have to go. NOW!

Me: Why?

Illyana: The cops are here.

Ember: Coffee!

End of Interview

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**Author's Comments:**

Well there you go. My interview with Raven. Hope you liked it. I really am going to do Beast Boy next. In fact, I'm done. I just need to type it. Please Review.

Yes, I know. It was pretty perverted. Get over it.

Anyways, the facts and non-facts of the interview.

**Facts: **

-Rachael, Illyana, Billy, Josie, and Ember are real people. They are all my friends.

-We are very random.

-Ember likes coffee.

-We are very perverted.

-We do take French. (Everyone in the story except Raven)

-Illyana does FUCKING LOVE CHEESE TOAST!!

-Because I Said So is a movie, and does have mild sex scenes.

-Hancock is my favorite movie and it does have a mild sex scene. But that's only in the Unrated version.

-Evanescence did make a song called Missing.

-Raven would have an urge to push me off a 40 story building.

-The RAPE song is real. I did not make it up. It is actually a Girl Scout song. (Btw, thanks Ember for telling me about it!)

-Billy's favorite color is orange.

-Purple is me and Ember's favorite color.

-Me, Ember, and Rachael all like shiny things.

-I would glomp Raven.

-Ke$ha made a song called Take It Off.

-We are all very weird.

-When I was a baby, I really did run into a glass door and get a slight concussion.

-I do like reading.

-I like Facebook.

-I think MySpace sucks.

-Twilight's gay. (Not an opinion, a hardcore FACT)

-I like vampire books, just not Twilight.

Now for the made-up stuff.

**Non-Facts:**

-Billy is not a pedophile. That's just a joke we do.

-Ember does not have a pet unicorn.

-I do not have a pet rock.

-I have never eaten a pebble (that I know of).

-Rachael is not a drug addict.

-Illyana is not an alcoholic.

-Illyana is not a hooker.

-Illyana does not have AIDS.

-Me and Ember have never been raped.

-Ember never died from choking on a pixy stick (but she did choke on one).

-My favorite song is not Take It Off by Ke$ha. I like it, it's just not my favorite.

-Josie Francine is a guy. His real name is Joseph. We just call him Josie.

If there are anymore questions on what was real or made-up just review/comment.

Thanks.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. If I did there would've been a season 6 and Raven and Beast Boy would've been together at the beginning of the series. **

And for those of you who are wondering:

-Yes I had permission to make Rachael a drug addict and kill her.

-I also had permission to make Illyana an alcoholic and give her AIDS.

Until next time!


	2. Interview with Beast Boy

**Author's Note:**

Yay! The second one's out! Sadly I haven't even started on the third one. ;_; But I have some ideas so it should be done soon.

Plus, I write all these interviews at school for 2 reasons:

1)My friend's help me out a lot.

2)I get bored in class easily and it's an outlet. :P Wow. I don't pay attention in class. Sue me.

Anyways, the third one will be with Starfire and then we have 3 more until I do Raven again (I can't wait :3). Details in bottom author's note.

So I guess I should let you read the actual story now. Oh wait. One more thing.

**Warning: **Deaths, drugs, guns, violence, sexual themes, and pure randomness in story. You have been warned.

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BB: *walks in*

Me: *glomps*

BB: *is glomped* Ahhh!

Me: Hello!

BB: Hi? Who are you?

Me: The interviewer!

BB: Oh shit. . .

Me: Didn't Raven tell you about me?

BB: All she said was "Be careful".

Ember: That's right because if you aren't careful then you'll get hurt and then you'll die!

BB: Uhhhh. . .okay? Who are you?

Ember: I'm Ember! I had coffee this morning! *jumps up and down*

BB: I can tell.

Me: On with the interview!

Ember: Jah!

Me: You have pointy ears.

BB: Yes.

Me: That wasn't a question.

BB: I know.

Me: Then why'd you answer it?

BB: I didn't.

Me: Yes you did. You said "Yes".

BB: I was-

Me: Beep.

BB: ???

Ember: Bloop.

Me: Bleep.

Ember: Boop.

BB: Might I ask what you're doing?

Ember: No.

BB: Okay then.

Me: Do you like cake?

BB: Yeah.

Ember: Here ya go then. *brings out cake taller than her*

BB: Thanks!

Illyana: *pops out of cake* Hello!

BB: *falls back out of surprise* Ah!

Me: He fell.

Illyana: Obviously.

BB: What are you doing jumping out of cakes? *gets up*

Illyana: I saw it on TV. So I wanted to try.

BB: *shakes head* Whatever.

Me: What's your favorite movie?

BB: Don't have one. I've watched too many to decide.

Me: I want to see Legion! And Avatar!

BB: Isn't that the movie with the blue people?

Me: *nods*

Illyana: I have great news!

Ember: What?

Illyana: I don't have AIDS! It's crabs!

BB: o.o Uhhhhh. . .Did I miss something?

Me: Yay!

Billy: How do you confuse AIDS and crabs?

Me & Ember: BILLY!

Billy: Oh no.

Me: *pokes Billy* Hi, Billy!

Ember: *pokes Billy, too* Hello, Billy!

Billy: *ignores them*

BB: Billy?

Me: *nods* Billy's our buddy.

Billy: I'm not your buddy.

Ember: Yes you are, Billy!

Me: You know you love us, Billy!

Illyana: Billy's a pedophile.

BB: ??? You're friends with a pedophile?

Billy: I'm not a pedophile.

Ember: No.

Me: We're _buddies_ with a pedophile.

Billy: I'm not a pedophile.

Illyana: Shut up.

BB: Is it really safe to be buddies with a pedophile?

Me: Not at all.

BB: So, maybe you shouldn't-

Ember: MUFFIN!

BB: . . .

Rachael: Hey guys! Sorry I'm late!

BB: Are we having a party or something?

Rachael: If we are, I need to know where the drugs are.

Illyana: I thought I killed you!

Rachael: So did I.

Billy: Can I leave now?

Me: No!

Ember: You shall stay here, Billy! *locks door* Now no one gets out!

Billy: We can just unlock it.

Me: Not if you're tied to a chair. *ties up*

Billy: . . .Kill me now.

Illyana: I can arrange that :)

Ember: Not yet, Illyana.

BB: Yet?

Me: On with the interview!

BB: . . .Okay, I guess.

Ember: Do you like muffins?

BB: . . .sure?

Ember: What kind of muffins?

BB: Any kind, I guess.

Rachael: Do you have any crack on you?

BB: . . .No.

Rachael: Cocaine?

BB: No.

Rachael: Weed, marijuana, a joint?

BB: I don't have any drugs at all.

Rachael: Oh. *pouts*

Billy: Will someone help me?

Me: No.

Ember: No one likes you, Billy.

BB: But I thought you were friends with him.

Me: We aren't.

Ember: We're _buddies_ with him.

Billy: I don't even like you guys!

Me: Of course you do, Billy.

Rachael: *whispers to Illyana* Do you have drugs?

Illyana: *whispers to Rachael* Just ran out. Sorry.

Rachael: Damnit.

BB: . . .All of you are freaking me out.

Ember: See what you did, Billy? *smacks him*

Me: You're scaring him! *smacks him, too*

Billy: I didn't do anything! I'm a victim here!

Illyana: No. You're the rapist.

Billy: I'm not a rapist!

Illyana: Then explain last night.

BB: o.o

Billy: What are you talking about?

Illyana: Stop playing innocent! *smacks him*

Billy: Again with the hitting!

Me: So, BB, what's it like being green?

BB: *still a little afraid* Um, well, It's ok, I guess. I mean, I've gotten used to it.

Ember: Do you wish you were purple instead?

BB: No.

Ember: I wish I was purple.

Me: Me too!

Illyana: I wish I was pink.

Rachael: I wish I had drugs.

Billy: I wish I was somewhere else.

Illyana: Shut up! *smacks Billy*

Ember: =_=

BB: I really think you should let the dude go.

Billy: Yes! Thank you!

Me: NO! Billy stays here!

Billy: :(

BB: But-

Me: I'm the interviewer, what I say goes!

BB: *holds hands up* Alright. Alright. Whatever.

Me: What's your favorite soda?

BB: Root beer, I guess.

Me: I like Coke. owo

Rachael: Did someone say coke???

Illyana: Not cocaine, stupid. =_=

Rachael: T.T

Me: Do you ever get tired of always losing video games?

BB: I do not always lose video games!

Me: Yes you do.

BB: No I don't.

Ember: Yes you do.

BB: No I don't!

Illyana: Yes you fucking do!

BB: You're aggressive, you know that?

Illyana: Thank you.

Rachael: I'll be right back. I'm going to the street corner to get some drugs. *leaves*

Illyana: Get me some!

Billy: Drugs are illegal.

Illyana: So?

Billy: So you shouldn't be doing them.

Illyana: It's illegal to rape and look at you.

Billy: I'm not a rapist!

Illyana: Stop lying! *smacks him*

Billy: Would you stop hitting me?

Illyana: Fine. I'll punch you instead. *punches*

Billy: Ow!

Me: Beast Boy, why do you hate reading?

BB: I read plenty!

Ember: Comic books don't count.

BB: Well-

Me: Neither does TV guides.

BB: But-

Illyana: Or labels.

BB: *silent*

Me: So why do you hate to read?

BB: Can't sit still long enough.

Me: I can't sit still very long either.

Ember: Me either!

Billy: No you guys can't.

Me: Shut up, Billy!

Ember: Yeah! No one asked you!

Me: Do you have ADHD?

BB: No.

Me: ADD?  
BB: No.

Me: OCD?  
Ember: Definitely not.

Me: Oh right. Um. . .

Illyana: How about AIDS?

BB: . . .No. o.o

Illyana: You want 'em?

BB: No thank you.

Illyana: How about crabs?

BB: No.

Illyana: Genital warts?

BB: No.

Illyana: Herpes?

BB: I don't want any STD's!

Illyana: Okay. But if you change your mind. . .just call me.

BB: o.o  
Me: Stop it! He has a girlfriend!

Illyana: So?

Me: If she found out about you hitting on her boyfriend, she'd kill you.

Illyana: I'd like to see the bitch try.

Me: Have you seen what she can do?

BB: Don't call Raven a bitch!

Illyana: Raven? That girl's a wimp!

Me: *holds hands up* It's your funeral.

BB: She is not a wimp!

Illyana: I think you mean it's _your_ funeral.

Me: o.o

Illyana: *turns to BB* Yes she is. And you're her man bitch, making you an even bigger wimp than her.

BB: I am not a wimp!

Illyana: Wanna bet?

Ember: No! You shouldn't bet because if you bet you could get mad at each other and then one of you lose and commits suicide and then you'll DIE!

BB: *blinks* Um. . .

Illyana: *crosses arms* Ember. . .shut up!

Ember: I can't shut up because it I do then not enough carbon dioxide will leave my lungs and then I'll suffocate and DIE!

Me: *gasps* No way!

Ember: Yeah!

Illyana: *face palm*

Billy: *tries to escape*

Ember: Stop, Billy!

Billy: Damn.

Illyana: Can I kill him now?

Me: Not yet.

Illyana: *crosses arms* Fine.

Me: *turns to Beast Boy* What's your favorite TV show?

BB: I have too many favorites.

Ember: What's your least favorite TV show?

BB: I like just about everything. I don't have one.

Ember: Hey! Do you know the "M" word? *mischievous grin*

Me: Yeah, do you? *mischievous grin*

BB: *shakes head* No.

Me & Ember: Masturbation!

BB: o.o

Illyana: Yay!

Ember: How about the RAPE song?

BB: I don't want to know.

Me: Too bad.

Me & Ember: Stop! Don't touch me there! That is my private square! R-A-P-E! Get your hands away from me!

BB: . . .o.e

Me: So. . .Raven told me you "popped her cherry". :)

BB: O///////////O Well. . .

Ember: Was it fun?

BB: . . .

Illyana: Answer the question.

BB: I'd rather not.

Ember: Blink.

Me: Fail.

Ember: Coma.

Me: Die.

BB: What?

Ember: Blinkfailcomadie.

Me: Blinkfailcomadie.

BB: Um. You guys ok?

Illyana: *blood on hands* Billy is no more.

BB: You killed him?!

Illyana: Shhhh! I don't want the Feds on me!

Ember: Billy's gone?

Illyana: *nods*

Me: . . .That only means one thing.

Ember: *nods sadly*

BB: We're going to mourn over his death?

Illyana: Hell no! We're gonna party!

Me: Whoo!

Ember: Jah!

BB: *face palm*

Illyana: We need drugs.

Me: Let's go meet up with Rachael!

BB: The drug addict?

Illyana: Yeah! C'mon! *kicks Billy's dead body on the way out*

Ember: *follows her and kicks his dead body, too*

Me: *grabs BB's hand and drags him* C'mon! *kicks Billy's dead body*

*All arrive at street corner to see Rachael and a gang*

Rachael: Give me the drugs!

Gang Member #1: We want our money first!

Gang Member #2: Yeah! Give us the money!

Rachael: I'll pay you later! Promise! Just give me the drugs!

GM #1: You can have them. . ._after_ we get our money.

GM #2: Yeah! Money first, then drugs!

Rachael: You have my word. I'll sign an agreement, just give me the damn drugs!

GM #1: No! *pulls out gun* Either pay now or get outta here!

GM #2: Yeah! Take it or leave it!

GM #1: Shut the fuck up! *shoots*

GM #2: *dies*

BB: *whispers* Shouldn't we help her?

Illyana: *eating popcorn from nowhere* No way! This is cheaper than a gangster movie!

BB: You people are crazy.

Rachael: Give me the fucking drugs _NOW!_

GM #1: No! *shoots*

Rachael: *twitching on ground, bleeding*

BB: Oh my God!

Illyana: *laughing* My turn! *shoots GM #1*

GM #1: *dies*

Illyana: *shoots GM #2*

Me: Why'd you do that? He's already dead.

Illyana: I wanted to!

Ember: Can I try?

Illyana: No.

Ember: ;_;

Me: What about me?

Illyana: Hell no.

Me: T.T

BB: Shouldn't we help her now?

Rachael: Help. . .please. *coughs up blood*

Illyana: *shoots Rachael*

Rachael: What was that for?

Illyana: Shut up and die! *shoots again*

Rachael: I never got my drugs. *dies*

Illyana: There we go. I gotta run. Cops'll be here any minute. *leaves*

Me: Me and Ember are going to go study for math.

Ember: Yeah.

Me & Ember: *bursts out laughing*

Me: That was funny. No, we're going to think up questions for the next interview. Mind telling Starfire she's next?

BB: Sure?

Me: Well, see ya next time! *waves and leaves with Ember*

BB: Next time?

End of Interview

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**Author's Comments:**

w00t! Second interview done! *high fives self* Well, third one should be up soon. Give me 3 days max. I have school tomorrow (Awwww :( ) so I'll be able to get ideas from my friends and write it. Question is, will I be too lazy to type it? *shrugs* I'll try.

So from the beginning author's note (for those of you who read it), Starfire is next. After that I have to 3 more interviews before I can do Raven again. There's 5 Titans. So who's the extra guest. You'll have to wait and see. :) Although, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to guess. XD

About the Story:

-The "M" word is something we started doing when we watched this video in health.

-Rachael came up with her own death this time (as well as her next one).

-Rachael is going to die in every story and come back to life (like Kenny from South Park).

-We will have 2 special guests next time! (One will die, one will end up in the hospital)

-Billy is not really dead. Yes he really hates me and Ember (apparently we annoy him too much. I don't know. I'll ask him tomorrow and get back to you guys. ;) )

-The "popped her cherry" thing was inspired by a conversation I was having with Mike and Quinton (who will guest star eventually). We were talking about Transformers 2 and we were telling Mike (who has not seen the movie) about the part when his mom gets high on some weed a college kid gave her and how she was acting. For those of you have seen it, you should know what I'm talking about.

-We are probably going to introduce the RAPE song to every person we interview.

-Blink. Fail. Coma. Die. is something me and Ember started doing recently. You must have special permission from me to be able to use it around your friends.

-That is all.

Now answering to some reviews I got:

**Kitty Faerie: **I hope your ok. One time I fell out of a chair and twisted my ankle. (Don't ask how)

And you might think you want to meet my friends, but once you do, you'll want to jump off a bridge. XD

And I'm glad someone agrees with me.

**starfire10535: **Maybe siblings are good for something. Hm. Well, glad you didn't meet your demise (yet)

**IzEllie: **Thanks. You've no idea how random we can be, though. *devious grin*

Until next time!


	3. Interview with Starfire

**Author's Note:**

Sorry if it's a little boring at first. But I was trying to make sure I got Starfire's personality in there. Hope I did well. *shrugs*

**Warning:** Violence, death, cussing, gore, and pure randomness. If you don't like any of these things DON'T READ IT!!!!!!!!!!

**Disclaimer: **

Me: Let's have Ember do the disclaimer this time. Ember?

Ember: She does not own Teen Titans.

Me: Thank you.

Ember: I do.

Me: You lying bitch!

Ember: JK. Warner Bros. owns Teen Titans. But I do own sparkly butterfly stickers!

Me: There you have it.

Enjoy!

-------------

SF: *walks in* Hello.

Me: *waves* Hi! Why don't you take a seat?

Ember: Yeah! Sit down!

SF: Alright. *sits down*

Me: So did Raven and Beast Boy tell you anything about us?

SF: Well, they told me to watch my back. Tell me, how can I watch my own back when it is behind me?

Ember: We're still trying to figure that out ourselves.

Me: We'll tell you as soon as we find out.

SF: *nods* So you wanted to do the interviewing of me?

Me: Yep!

SF: May I ask a question of you?

Ember: Sure.

SF: What exactly do you do during the interviewing?

Me: Glad ya asked!

Ember: Not really.

Me: Shut up, Ember. Anyways, during the interview, we ask you questions, you answer them, and all the while, it's being recorded so it can be published!

Ember: Or posted on the Internet.

SF: I see. Please continue.

Me: Okay! Ember you first.

Ember: Do you think you're a ditz?

SF: Please, what is a "ditz"?

Me: A ditz is someone who's extremely dumb about the simplest thing. Usually blonde.

Ember: Hey!

Me: Well, it's true! Besides, I never called you a ditz.

Ember: True.

SF: But I am not blonde.

Me: Doesn't mean you're not a ditz.

SF: You are calling me a ditz?

Ember: Pretty much.

SF: Is that not rude?

Me: Not if it's true.

SF: So I am a ditz?

Ember: We just went over that.

SF: Oh.

Me: *pats Starfire's shoulder* Don't worry. There are plenty of ditzy people in this world.

SF: How do you know such a thing?

Me: I have friends who are total ditzes.

SF: Are they blonde?

Me: Yes.

SF: Oh.

Ember: Next question!

Me: Do you prefer cats or dogs?

Ember: I like kitty kats. :3

SF: They are both so cute! I cannot choose.

Me: I like penguins. Owo

SF: That was not a choice.

Me: I don't care.

SF: But it is not fair to me or Ember that you get an extra choice.

Me: I don't care.

SF: But you should.

Me: No I shouldn't.

SF: Why not?

Me: Because the dinosaurs ate my crumpets!

SF: Dinosaurs are extinct, are they not?

Me: No.

Ember: That's what they want you to think.

SF: Who is this "they"?

Ember: We don't know.

SF: Then how-?

Me: What's your favorite color?

SF: Pink! I adore the color pink! Not that I hate the other colors but pink is the prettiest.

Me: *twitch*

Ember: *twitch*

SF: Is something wrong?

Me: You like pink?

SF: Yes. I have just told you that.

Ember: How dare you!

SF: *blinks* Did I do something wrong?

Ember: How could you like the color pink?

SF: Well, I think it's pretty.

Me: We hate the color pink!

SF: Is "hate" not a little harsh?

Ember: No. Pink shall die!

SF: How can a non-living spectrum of light die?

Me: We're trying to figure that out.

Ember: So how are you liking Earth so far?

SF: Earth is the most joyous planet I have lived upon! As much I love my home planet, Earth is still the best. :)

Me: Earth rocks!

SF: Why are we talking about earthly boulders?

Ember: We are? Could've sworn we were talking about ice cream.

SF: Oh! I love the creamed ice you speak of! Especially with colorful sprinkles and mustard! ^.^

Me: I like it with caramel and brownies!

Ember: So we are talking about ice cream?

Me: No. We're over that.

Ember: :(

Rachael: *walks in* Hey! Wassup?

Me: Rachael! Glad you could join us!

Ember: Not really.

Me: Ember, I swear, if you don't shut the fuck up you are going out the window.

SF: Please! Stop the meaness!

Me: Make us.

Ember: Yeah. Make us.

SF: I do not wish to harm you.

Me: Then don't.

Rachael: It's that simple.

SF: Okay.

Rachael: So have you and Robin had sex yet?

Illyana: Did someone say sex?

SF: . . .

Rachael: Illyana! *winks*

Illyana: *shudders*

Ember: So?

SF: What?

Me: Have you had sex with Robin?

SF: . . .Um.

Ember: Answer the question.

SF: Well. . .

Illyana: Answer the damn question!

SF: It is not nice to curse.

Illyana: _I'm_ not nice.

SF: Of course not. You cursed.

Me: No one says curse anymore.

Rachael: Yeah. It's cuss.

SF: Cuss?

Rachael: *nods*

Ember: Kiwi.

Me: Covered in grape jelly.

SF: . . .Excuse me?

Illyana: And oil.

Rachael: And it's on fire.

SF: What is on fire?

Illyana: In Quinton's stomach.

SF: *gasp* That poor person! Should we help them?

Me: It's Kaylee!

Illyana: Oh. Right.

SF: I think that we should go assist this Kaylee.

Me: No.

Illyana: He'll be fine. *evil smile*

SF: Are you sure?

Me: Yes. We're still interviewing you.

SF: Very well then.

Ember: Do you know the muffin man?

SF: No, but I have heard of him.

Illyana: That's the guy who butt-raped me!

SF: Why would he do that?

Illyana: He likes little girls.

SF: o.o

Me: So, Starfire, have you ever done drugs?

Rachael: *giggles* I know I have.

Illyana: We all know you have. In fact, we've all done drugs except for Ms. Goody-Two-Shoes over there. *nods head to Starfire*

SF: That is because drugs are wrong and unmoral. And my name is not Goody-Two-Shoes.

Illyana: Drugs are good!

Me: Goody-Two-Shoes is a name for people who always do the right thing and are completely innocent.

SF: Oh.

Ember: Nom nom nom.

Me: XD  
SF: I am confused.

Me: That's the point.

SF: But-

Rachael: You are annoying the hell out of me right now!

SF: Who? Me?

Rachael: Yes!

SF: I am sorry.

Rachael: Stop being innocent!

SF: Okay.

Rachael: *strangles*

SF: Ah!

Illyana: Ooo! I'll get the knife! *walks off*

Ember: *watches her*

Me: *eats popcorn*

SF: *losing breath quickly*

Me: *looks at clock* Okay, Rachael. That's enough.

Rachael: *stops choking* Did I do good?

Ember: You did great!

Illyana: *comes back with knife* Okay! Ready! *sees Rachael stopped* Damn it!

Rachael: *shrugs* Sorry. She told me to stop. *points at me*

Illyana: Can I still stab her?

Me: Sure.

SF: You are most mean!

Ember: Thanks! ^.^

SF: That was not a compliment.

Illyana: So?

SF: I would think you would not be happy about it.

Me: We're not happy people.

SF: But you are smiling.

Me: They're evil smiles. :)

SF: . . .?

Josie: That's because you're evil people!

Me: OhMiGawd! It's Josie!

Josie: Oh God!

Ember: Hi, Josie!

Josie: Leave me alone.

SF: *smiles* Hello, Josie! Would you like to be my friend?

Josie: Who are you?

SF: My name is Starfire!

Josie: *turns to me* Is this one of those interviews?

Me: *nods*

Josie: I'm out.

Me: No! You must stay!

Ember: Yes! Josie must stay!

Illyana: *holds up knife with evil glint in eye* Yes, Josie. Stay.

Josie: I don't think that's smart.

Illyana: I don't care.

SF: Why must Josie stay if he does not wish to?

Ember: Cause he's our buddy!

Me: Plus, we said so.

SF: Oh.

Josie: =_=

Illyana: *sits next to Josie pointing the knife at him* Hey.

Josie: *afraid*

Illyana: *evil smile*

Ember: Josie, you ask a question.

Josie: My name is not Josie.

Ember: Oh right. Josie Francine, ask a question.

Josie: =_= Can I leave?

Illyana: *stabs in leg* No!

Josie: Ah! What the hell?!

Illyana: *stabs again* You're not leaving!

Josie: *bleeding heavily* What is your problem?

Me: The list is too long.

SF: Is he okay?

Ember: No.

Josie: *screaming in pain*

SF: Should we not help him?

Rachael: Nope.

SF: Why not?

Illyana: He'll be fine.

SF: I do not think so.

Illyana: Did we ask you?

SF: Well, no. I guess not.

Illyana: Then shut the fuck up! *licks blood off knife*

Me: Illyana! Josie has AIDS!

Illyana: *shrugs* Oh well.

SF: *disgusted*

TW: Hi, ya'll.

Me: OMG!

SF: Hello.

Illyana: It's Tiger Woods!

Ember: w00t!

Rachael: NOWAI! That guy owes me money!

SF: Who is Tiger Woods?

Me: *points to TW* That guy.

TW: I do?

SF: But how do you know him?

Rachael: Yeah! Don't you remember?

Ember: He's famous.

Josie: *twitching on ground* Help me.

Me: No! *takes knife from Illyana and stabs him in stomach*

SF: What is he famous for?

Illyana: Hey! Give me my knife back! *takes knife*

Ember: He's a pro-golfer!

TW: Not really. Sorry.

Rachael: It's okay as long as I get my money.

Illyana: Gonna use it to buy drugs?

SF: Oh. So he is well known for the sport of golfing?

Me: We just said that.

Rachael: Maybe. Maybe not.

TW: Sorry. I don't have anything on me.

Rachael: Go to hell then! *punches*

SF: I see. So why does he owe Rachael money?

TW: Ow! WTF?!

Rachael: Because! I was one of his little whores last week and he never paid me!

TW: Wait. That was you?

SF: Whore?

Me: Someone who has sex for money. Also known as a hoe.

Illyana: Not to be confused with a slut.

SF: Slut?

Rachael: Yes!

Ember: *bored* Hey, Josie! Wanna talk with me?

TW: Oh! But I did pay you.

Illyana: You're extremely stupid.

SF: I am not!

Josie: I'm in pain here!

Ember: I'll take that as a yes! *sits by Josie*

Illyana: You're right. You're not stupid. You're a dumbass!

Rachael: Not all of the money.

SF: I'm a dumb donkey? *confused*

TW: What do you mean?

Josie: Could you at least call 911?

Ember: No. I don't think so.

Rachael: You were one penny short!

Josie: Why not?

Illyana: That just proves my point.

Ember: I don't feel like it.

TW: =_= Seriously? You're angry about one penny?

Rachael: Yes! *tackles TW*

Josie: I'm dying here!

Ember: I don't care.

Josie: I hate you.

Me: *watching all of this*

SF: What point?

Illyana: Exactly.

TW: *is tackled* Get off!

SF: *angry* Apologize. Now.

Ember: ^.^ Thank you, Josie!

Josie: =_= At least the bleeding's almost stopped.

Rachael: Not until I get my penny!

Ember: *takes out knife* No! *stabs Josie in arm*

Josie: Ah! *bleeding heavily, paling*

Ember: ^.^ All better now.

TW: I don't have a fucking penny!

Rachael: Then I'll just kill you! *chokes*

Josie: Not all better! It's worse!

Illyana: *crosses arms* Make me.

SF: *eyes glow*

Me: Hey! Your eyes glow like Raven's! Except green!

Ember: How?

Josie: I'm bleeding even more! *points to arm*

Ember: So?

TW: *pushes Rachael off* Bitch!

Rachael: *gets golf club from nowhere*

TW: Where'd you get that?

Rachael: Nowhere. *hits TW's head with club*

Josie: So that's bad!

Ember: It is?

TW: Ah! *holds head* That hurt!

Rachael: Good. *hits in stomach*

SF: *lunges at Illyana*

Josie: Yes! It is!

Illyana: *avoids and stabs Starfire's leg*

TW: *doubles over* Ow!

Rachael: *impales TW in stomach with club and pushes out window* There we go!

SF: *screams*

Illyana: That's what you get!

Rachael: Maybe I should go check if he's dead. *walks towards door*

Ember: Oh. *shrugs* Whatever.

SF: Would someone help me?

Illyana: No.

Me: You shouldn't go out the door, Rachael. The window's faster.

SF: Why not? I am injured.

Illyana: 'Cause no one wants to. Duh.

Ember: *kicks Josie* Well, bye! *walks over to me*

SF: *sad*

Rachael: You're right! *jumps out window*

Ember: Where'd Rachael go?

Me: Out the window. Duh.

Ember: Oh.

Rachael: *lands on TW and is impaled by golf club, too* Ah! *dies*

Illyana: Well, I'm done here. Let's go. *leaves room*

Ember: *follows her*

Me: *nods* Well, that's it, Starfire. Thanks and I hope to see you again! Tell Robin I want to interview him next. *waves and leaves*

Josie: *to Starfire* Can you call 911?

End Of Interview

-------------

**Author's Comments:**

Haha! Finally! I am done with the third interview! Now time for Robin! *rubs hands together evilly*

For those of you who love Tiger Woods and are pissed I killed him, I don't care. I eat your flames for snack (unless I get a lot. Then it will be dinner ^.^).

And for those of you who are angry that Rachael strangled and Illyana stabbed Starfire, I will take those flames with a side of salt (unless there's too much salt already).

No, Josie did not die (yet).

I don't know when the fourth one will be up. But I promise, I will work on it right away! *distracted by something shiny on desk*

^^; Anyways, I should probably put this in here.

**No Josies, Starfires, Tiger Woodses (???), Quintons, or Rachaels were harmed in the making of this interview. Although, we are sad to say that a kiwi got severe third degree burns.**

And the last thing for this interview is, we are accepting requests for celebrity guest stars. So if there's a certain celebrity (dead or alive) that you want in here, just tell us. Yes, they are allowed to be fictional characters/cartoons/manga etc. Also, tell us what you want us to do to them (ex. Kill them, scare them, injure them, hide them, rape them (teehee) etc.)

**Some celebrities we already have: **Amy Lee, Sharon den Adel, George Lopez, Taylor Swift, Santa Claus, Pete Wentz, Jeff Dunham (w/ Achmed, Walter, and Peanut), Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattison, Kristen Stewart, Obama, Michael Jackson, Hannah Montana/Miley Cryus, Fred, Kevin (from Fred), Charlie the Unicorn.

^^; Okay. I lied. _This_ is the last thing I have to say. I am doing a poll for the next interview with Raven. Just comment your answer.

Should we:

a) Force her into a pink dress

b) Forced her into a mini skirt and tank top

or

c) Force her into a two-piece swimsuit, dump water on her, take some pics, then show them to BB next time we interview him and he has a major nosebleed.

Choose wisely. *smiles deviously*


	4. Interview with Robin

**Author's Note:**

Finally. The fourth installment to the interview series. Sorry it took so long. But I've got so much homework and projects piled on my it's not even funny.

**Warning: **Butt-sex, violence, death, swearing, etc. You should know what to expect by now.

Who shall do the disclaimer this time?

Illyana: I'll do it I guess.

Me: Yah!

Illyana: She does not own Teen Titans or Warner Bros.

Me: That is a sad.

Illyana: Your face is sad.

Me: Bitch.

Illyana: Whore.

Me: Transvestite.

Illyana: Lezbo.

Rachael: Applesauce!!!!!!!!!

Me: . . .On to the interview?

------

Robin: Okay. Explain. _Now!_

Illyana: Alright! But he fired the first shot and out of self-defense I had to shoot back!

Robin: I have no idea what you're talking about. But I'll deal with that later. I want you to explain what you did to Starfire.

Me: Oh her!

Illyana: We merely stabbed her. She'll be fine.

Robin: Fine?! What do you mean fine? You could've killed her!!

Me: No. We could've killed Josie. But we didn't. Now stop yelling. We're going to start the interview now.

Robin: I can yell if I want to!

Illyana: No you can't. We won't allow it.

Robin: I don't care what you'll allow!

Illyana: *takes out a knife* Don't make me hurt you.

Robin: What the-? She's trying to kill me, too!

Me: She didn't try to kill Starfire. Just stab her.

Robin: I don't care. It's still assault and she's going to jail.

Me: But she's a minor.

Robin: I don't care if she's a minor!

Illyana: She's right here. And she really wants Robin to stop yelling.

Ember: Third person.

Me: Em-chan! *non-lezbo hug*

Ember: Hey, Leigh-chan! ^.^

Robin: Em-chan?

Ember: Yep. Real name's Ember, but I like to be called Em-chan.

Me: We started doing that this week. :P

Robin: Okay, then. Can I take this girl into custody now? *points to Illyana*

Illyana: I'd like to see you try.

Me: Illy-chan is very. . .fierce.

Ember: And aggressive.

Me: And feisty.

Ember: And homicidal.

Robin: All the more reason to put her in jail.

Illyana: I'm not going back there. *crosses arms*

Ember: You've been there before?

Illyana: Remember how I killed that one gang member?

Me: When we interviewed Beast Boy?

Illyana: *nods*

Robin: That was you?!

Me: So that's why you weren't at school the next day!

Robin: Okay. Interview over. I'm taking her in now. *walks towards Illyana*

Ember: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Me: *nods* Em-chan's right. You shouldn't mess with Illy-chan.

Robin: *grabs Illyana's arm* C'mon! Let's go.

Me: *gasp*

Ember: *playing with string* Ahahahahaha! String.

Me: *nudges Ember* Rob-chan just grabbed Illy-chan.

Robin: Since when did I become Rob-chan?

Me: Since now.

Illyana: *angry* I know, that you are not touching me.

Robin: So?

Illyana: *flips him to ground and kicks him in the stomach* No one touches me!!!

Me: *laughing*

Robin: *gets up* Is that a challenge?

Illyana: No. It's a warning. Touch me again and I'll beat you to a pulp.

Robin: *gulp*

Me: Can we start the interview now?

Ember: Yeah! Let's start!

Robin: I don't want to.

Illyana: We don't care what you want. We're interviewing you.

Robin: *crosses arms* Fine.

Me: What was it like working with Batman?

Robin: It was okay. But I like working with people around my age better.

Illyana: Did you and Batman have butt-sex?

Robin: . . .Of course not.

Illyana: You paused. You're lying!

Robin: No I'm not!

Ember: What were your training techniques Batman taught you?

Robin: That's classified information.

Ember: *makes plan to hack into his computer later* Oh. Okay.

Me: Da na nu na nu na nu na nu na nu na nu na nun a Batman!

Illyana: Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg!

Robin: Who the hell cam up with those?

Me: *shrugs*

Robin: Whatever. Just stop singing them.

Me: Fine.

Ember: Are you still obsessed with Slade?

Illyana: _"Why you so obsessed with me? All I wanna know. . ."_

Robin: ??? Ummmm. Okay. . .then. No. I'm not.

Illyana: _"Lyin' that you're sexin' me."_

Robin: . . .

Ember: Are you sure you're over Slade?

Robin: Very.

Illyana: Did you guys have butt-sex?

Robin: No!

Illyana: A little defensive there, aren't we?

Me: *giggles*

Robin: What's with you and butt-sex?

Me: She likes sex.

Ember: Period.

Illyana: Yep. But anyways, I think you're lying. You were his apprentice after all.

Robin: Yes. I was.

Illyana: Apprentice is another word for "sex slave."

Robin: No it's not!

Me: Basically it is.

Robin: I have never any kind of sex with anyone!

Me: Even Starfire?

Robin: Yes.

Me: That's sad.

Robin: What? Why?

Me: Raven and Beast Boy had sex and you two haven't?

Robin: They did what?!

Ember: I'm guessing you didn't know.

Illyana: Nah dip, Sherlock.

Ember: *gaps* I'm Sherlock Holmes??? NOWAI!

Illyana: It's an expression.

Ember: So I'm not Sherlock Holmes?

Me: No. You're Em-chan.

Ember: :(

Robin: *stunned* I can't believe it. You're kidding me.

Rachael: Hiya!

Me: Hey, Ra-chan!

Rachael: Who we doin' this time?

Illyana: Your mom!

Rachael: Why do you think I was so late? *smiles*

Illyana: Oh.

Robin: o.o

Me: We are now interviewing, Rob-chan.

Robin: I'd prefer it if you called me Robin.

Me: Rob-chan.

Robin: Robin.

Illyana: Rob-chan! *evil glare*

Robin: *crosses arms* Fine.

Me: Jah~!

Rachael: Okay. *sits on floor*

Me: . . .Um. What's your favorite color?

Robin: Red.

Ember: What kind of red?

Robin: . . .Red?

Ember: No! Which kind? Scarlet red, bright red, light red, dark red, blood red, apple red, regular red, red-orange, valentine's red, neon red, pie red, gay red, lez red, straight red, evil red, demon red, bi red, potato red, period red, grape red, dinosaur red, sky red, paint red, mouth red, spray paint red, burgundy red. . .

Robin: Regular red.

Me: Speaking of valentine's. . .did you head about Billy-chan?

Illyana: I thought I killed him!

Rachael: You said the same thing with me. And here I am.

Illyana: True.

Ember: What about Billy-chan?

Me: Well, he was talking to Josie-chan about the Valentines dance and he said that he was going to ask out a bunch of girls.

Illyana: Cuz he's a pimp!

Me: And then he asked, "Wait. But what if they all say yes?"

Ember: *laughs* I hope he was kidding.

Me: *shakes head* Nope.

Ember: Billy needs help.

Illyana: You all need help.

Me: You're the one to talk.

Illyana: And so are you.

Rachael: And so am I.

Ember: And so is Jimmy.

Illyana: *twitch* I hate the name Jimmy!!!

Ember: But Jimmy is a pretty name!

Illyana: No! It's not! *punches*

Robin: Get off of her! *pries Illyana off Ember*

Illyana: What? Is she your new girlfriend?

Ember: *gasp* I don't like you! *slaps Robin*

Robin: *stunned* What? No! I would never like her!

Ember: How dare you insult me! *slaps again*

Robin: No! I didn't mean-you're a very nice girl!

Ember: And now you're lying to me! *slaps again*

Robin: You have problems!

Ember: Flattery won't work! *slaps again*

Robin: Would you stop slapping me?

Ember: *slaps* Yes.

Robin: =_=

Rachael: Do you like getting slapped?

Robin: No.

Rachael: Oh. That's too bad.

Me: Hey, Robin.

Robin: What?

Me: I luhz joo.

Robin: . . .You what?

Me: I luhz joo.

Ember: That's her way of saying 'I love you.'

Robin: . . .

Ember: Don't worry. She doesn't mean it. It's a joke.

Illyana: Just how she told Mike he was sexy.

Me: XD  
Rachael: Oh yeah! That was funny!

Ember: I wish I was there. T.T

Mike: Of course you do, Ember.

Rachael: Hey, Mike!

Me: Hi! *waves*

Mike: o.o It's you.

Me: XDDD

Mike: *backs away to door*

Ember: No! You must stay!

Mike: Is she gonna try and rape me?

Me: Of course not.

Mike: *phew*

Illyana: But I might.

Mike: o.o

Robin: . . .

Rachael: Ew! That's Mike! So you know where he's been?

Illyana: Does that ever stop me?

Rachael: It should.

Me: You're the one to talk, Ra-chan.

Rachael: So?

Mike: So why can't I leave?

Ember: Because we said.

Me: Yeah. Besides, you said you wanted to be in an interview.

Mike: That was before I knew you started killing people off.

Me: We won't kill you.

Ember: You're too special.

Illyana: We're not?

Me: *shakes head*

Illyana: Damn.

Me: Yet.

Illyana: :)

Rachael: Yay!

Mike: o.o

Robin: There will be no killing while I'm around.

Me: That's why we're going to kill him in another interview.

Mike: Wait. What?!

Rachael: Then how am I going to die?

Illyana: Don't worry. I have a plan.

Rachael: Okay.

Mike: So I'm not going to die?

Me: Not now.

Mike: I guess that's. . .okay.

Ember: Mike, you asked Rob-chan a question.

Mike: I don't get a special name?

Me: Later. Now ask him a question!

Mike: Have you ever had sex?

Illyana: We've already asked that.

Mike: Oh. What did he say?

Rachael: No.

Mike: Do you want to have sex?

Robin: That's my business.

Me: That means yes.

Mike: Knew it.

Robin: *crosses arms* Whatever. *blushing*

Mike: It's nothing to be embarrassed about. All teenage, including me, feel that way at times.

Ember: Wow.

Illyana: Mike said something intelligent. Unbelievable.

Me: Ikr?

Mike: I feel special.

Ember: But you're not.

Mike: :(

Me: Not like us anyway.

Mike: Can't argue with that.

Robin: Are we done here?

Illyana: No.

Robin: But you're not even interviewing me anymore! All you're doing is having a conversation!

Illyana: So?

Robin: So why can't I leave?

Illyana: Because we said you can't.

Robin: Who are you to tell me what to do?

Me: The interviewer who can make you say whatever I want on this interview and make you look bad.

Robin: *eyes narrow* You wouldn't dare.

Me: Try me.

Illyana: Don't tempt me, Ashleigh. XD

Me: o_o

Rachael: Applesauce is yummy in my tummy!

Robin: Okay?

Illyana: I FUCKING LOVE APPLESAUCE!

Me: Yes, we know that.

Illyana: XDDD

Robin: You guys are really starting to scare me.

Mike: Join the club.

Ember: Thank you. ^.^

Me: That's our goal.

Robin: Well, you've accomplished it.

Rachael: We should celebrate our accomplishment by going to a night club.

Illyana: No! Strip club!

Mike: Me likey strip club. :3

Ember: Of course you would, Mike.

Me: I know the perfect strip club we can go to!

Robin: No one is going to any strip clubs!

Rachael: You're not the boss of us.

Illyana: What's it called?

Mike: Tell us!

Robin: _No _strip clubs!

Ember: Shut up! *slaps Robin*

Me: The Treasure Chest. It's down the street from our school.

Mike: Seriously?

Illyana: Let's go then!

Me: Yah!

Rachael: OMG! I can get us a discount there!

Illyana: Why? You work there?

Rachael: No. I own it.

Mike: Coolz!

Robin: You own a strip club?

Rachael: I had nothing else to do with the money.

Robin: What about college intuition?

Me: This is Rachael we're talking about.

Illyana: Yeah, Stupid.

Robin: I am not stupid.

Illyana: Sure act like it.

Robin: Do not!

Rachael: Now you sound like a child.

Robin: Do not!

Rachael: Do too!

Robin: Do not!

Mike: Do too!

Robin: Do not!

Illyana: Do too!

Robin: Do not!

Ember: Do too!

Robin: Do not!

Me: Do too!

Robin: Do not!

Michael: Penis!

Robin: o.o

Illyana: PENIS!

Zack: PENIS!!

Me: Michael, Zack, we're busy here!

Zack: Dick! *leaves*

Michael: See ya on the bus! *leaves*

Robin: Who the heck are they?

Me: People who ride my bus.

Rachael: Can we go to the strip club now?

Robin: No. You guys aren't even old enough.

Rachael: I own the damn club!

Robin: Which still amazes me.

Me: Can I be co-owner?

Rachael: Sure.

Illyana: Can I be one of the dancers?

Rachael: You need to apply.

Illyana: 'Kay.

Mike: So can we go now? I want to see some strippers!

Rachael: Yeah! Plus, it's Wild Wednesday! w00t!

Me: Yay! Wild Wednesday!

Robin: We're _not_ going!

Me: We'll just go another time.

Robin: There's no convincing you, is there?

Mike: Nope.

Ember: La.

Me: La.

Ember: La!

Me: La!

Ember: La.

Me: La!!

Ember: LA!!!

Me: La.

Ember: La!!!!

Illyana: Vagina!

Robin: That was unexpected.

Rachael: Not really.

Mike: So wait, we're not going to a strip club?

Me: Not at the moment.

Mike: :(

Ember: La.

Illyana: Mike, why don't you go masturbate in the corner?

Mike: *thinks* Maybe later.

Rachael: Can I?

Robin: o.o I beg you not to.

Rachael: *crosses arms* Fine.

Robin: Are we done yet?

Ember: No.

Me: We have a few more questions up our sleeves.

Ember: And in our shoes.

Me: And stuck in our hair.

Ember: And in our pants legs.

Me: And in our pockets.

Rachael: And in our bras. Except for Mike. . .I hope.

Mike: And inside our pants.

Illyana: And in our-

Robin: I'd rather not know.

Me: Anyways, we have more questions for you.

Robin: Well, could you hurry up and ask them so I can leave?

Ember: Don't rush us!

Rachael: I wanna ask the next question!

Mike: I'm after Rachael!

Me: Okay. Go ahead.

Rachael: Did you sleep with Tiger Woods?

Robin: I'm not gay!

Illyana: You sure look like it.

Robin: I do not!

Ember: Yeah you do.

Robin: How do I look gay?

Mike: You look like a stop light.

Robin: Well, I guess that's kinda stupid. But not gay!

Me: You're wearing bright green tights.

Robin: . . .

Illyana: Now do you think you're gay?

Robin: Just because my costume's really dumb doesn't mean I'm gay!

Ember: It kinda does.

Robin: Fine! I'll change my costume! Will I be gay then?

Illyana: Yes.

Robin: Why?

Rachael: You haven't had sex with Starfire yet.

Robin: She's an alien! She not ready for that stuff yet!

Mike: Just because she's from outer space, doesn't mean she's not ready. She is the same age as you.

Illyana: And since when would any straight guy care if a girl's ready?

Robin: A polite one.

Illyana: Well, my dad didn't. And here I am.

Rachael: You're a product of rape?

Illyana: Yep.

Robin: What?! I wouldn't rape Starfire!

Ember: Never said you would.

Mike: But you should have at least made a move on her.

Robin: That's wrong!

Mike: No. It's not.

Robin: Haven't you guys ever heard of abstinence?

Ember: Yes.

Rachael: Doesn't mean we practice it.

Robin: You guys are younger than me!

Illyana: So?

Robin: You guys aren't right!

Me: Thank you! ^.^

Robin: That wasn't a compliment.

Ember: You can't insult her.

Robin: What if I called her a bitch?

Me: You think I'm a bitch?

Robin: Yeah.

Me: Thanks. XD

Robin: You are extremely weird.

Me: That's my goal!

Robin: So I can leave _now_?

Me: *looks at everyone* Sure. We have to save some questions for next time.

Robin: Thank you. *starts to leave* Wait. Next time?

Ember: Bye! *pushes out door*

Mike: Well, I'm gonna leave before I get killed. *leaves*

Rachael: *sitting there* How am I gonna die this time?

Illyana: Let's see. You've impaled yourself.

Ember: And gotten shot.

Me: And was pushed off of a building.

Illyana: That leaves so many possibilities.

Rachael: Can I decide this time?

Illyana: No.

Rachael: Okay.

Me: Why don't you stab her to death?

Illyana: I left my knife at home.

Ember: We can use Mr. Stabby-Cage!

Me: No! Save that for later!

Illyana: How about I beat her to death?

Me: Nah. It's gotta be quick. The interview's almost over.

Illyana: Fine.

Rachael: Why don't you hang me?

Me: That actually sounds good.

Illyana: I don't have a noose. Ashleigh?

Me: Nope. Rachael, it was your idea. Do you?

Rachael: *shakes head*

Ember: I do!

Illyana: *takes noose from Ember and hangs Rachael* There we go. I'm done. *leaves*

Me: Great job, Ember.

Ember: Can I have my noose back? I'm going to a party tonight.

Me: Sure. Are you bringing Mr. Stabby-Cage?

Ember: Duh! And people are going to give him a proper hello.

Me: *takes noose off Rachael and gives to Ember* They better. Hey, can I come?

Ember: I guess. *leaves*

Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! I'm here for the interview!

Me: You're late. It's already over. Maybe next time. *leaves*

Santa Claus: God damn you impatient bastards. *leaves*

-End of Interview-

-----

**Author's Comments:**

There you have it! Now for my comments on the story:

-Illyana does not have a knife (that I know of).

-Mr. Stabby-Cage likes proper hellos.

-Santa Claus is more violent than you think.

-Rachael did not actually die.

-None of us has had sex (at least I haven't).

-You might be wondering, "If Illyana brought a knife out at the beginning of the story, then why did she say she left it at home at the end?" These are my interviews. I can defy logic however I want.

-Rachael and Illyana really do like applesauce.

-Ember does not have a noose (I think).

-Illyana has never been to jail (at least I don't think so).

-"I luhz joo" is really my joke and you cannot use it.

-We all think Robin looks gay. (No offense to any Robin-lovers.)

-There really is a strip club down the street from our school called "The Treasure Chest." And they have an adult video store right next to it (and a laundromat next to that owo).

-I do not know if Rachael and Mike really masturbate or not.

-I really did call Mike sexy as a joke. And his reaction was hilarious. XD He's still afraid to get near me. But he's gradually getting over it.

Cyborg's next if you want to know. Then one more person after that before we do Raven again. If you wanna guess who that person is, be my guest.

Speaking of Raven. . .

Results from my poll from last time:

A) Force her into a pink dress: 2

B) Force her into a mini skirt and tank top: 1

C) Force her into a swimsuit, dump water on her, take pics, then show them to BB so he can have a nosebleed: 7

So far C is in the lead. But it's not too late! You can still vote! If you haven't already!

And one more thing before I go (I know you must hate my long author's notes)

Celebrity Guests:

Amy Lee

Sharon den Adel

George Lopez

Taylor Swift

Pete Wentz

Jeff Dunham (w/ Achmed, Walter, and Peanut)

Taylor Lautner

Robbet Pattinson

Kristen Stewart

Obama

Michael Jackson

Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus

Fred

Kevin (from Fred)

Charlie the Unicorn

Voldemort

Ke$ha

Paris Hilton

Any suggestions?


	5. Interview with Cyborg

**Author's Note: **

**Oh shit. I'm back with another interview. Sorry this one took so long. I **_**just**_** found the paper I wrote it on. Although it was only the 1****st**** part. Anyways, onto the interview!**

**WARNING: Death, violence, cussing. . .you know the drill.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. ;_; *devises plan to steal ownership to Teen Titans.**

* * *

**Interview with Cyborg**

Me, Kassy, & Ember: *sneaks into Titans' Tower and glomps Cyborg* We're here!

Cy: Oh my fucking God! Who the hell are you?

Me: I'm the interviewer interviewing you.

Ember: I'm Ember and I'm helping her.

Kassy: I'm Kassy and I'm going to die!

Cy: Why are you going to die?

Kassy: 'Cause I wanna.

Cy: ?

Me: Where's Illyana?

Illyana: *pops out of Cyborg's robotic side of head* Heya!

Cy: How did you get in my head?

Illyana: I turned left.

Cy: That makes no sense.

Illyana: You make no sense.

Kassy: This is an interview. We defy logic. *starts to float* Such as gravity.

Cy: I'm calling the cops.

Rachael: I ate them.

Cy: Wtf? Who are you?

Rachael: Tiger Woods's third wife. Once divorced. Thrice raped.

Cy: . . .I'm scared.

Me: Don't be.

Ember: Are you a dinosaur?

Cy: . . .No.

Kassy: Liar!

Ember: *gasp* I just thought of something!

Me: What? Does it have to do with Mike's undying love for Rachael?

Rachael: What?

Ember: No. It's about how I left my toast on the windowsill.

Me: Oh. Hehe. ^^;;

Rachael: Mikes likes me?

Kassy: No. He likes Patrick now.

Cy: I can see you guys are busy. I'll just go.

Illyana: No! *sits on Cyborg's chest* You ish shtayin'!

Cy: =_= Get off of me.

Rachael: *disturbed*

Kassy: Pie.

Cy: Get off! Get off! Get off!

Illyana: Bite me.

Me: Cyborg, do you like rainbows?

Cy: I'm not gay if that's what you're asking.

Me: I was going to ask that later.

Cy: Well I'm not.

Ember: That's what Robin said.

Cy: . . .That's different.

Kassy: Do you know what else is different?

Illyana: What?

Kassy: Chips.

Ember: Do you know the muffin man? The muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man. Do you know the muffin man who lives on Drury Lane?

Rachael: Actually, he lives next door to me and rapes me every night. We make mini muffins.

Me: Good for you.

Illyana: So Cyborg, do you like porno?

Cy: No. I've never watched it.

Kassy: That's a shame.

Ember: Wasn't Mike supposed to be in this interview?

Me: He's on his way. He said he was "finishing up".

Illyana: XD

Cy: I so don't wanna know.

Ember: Shut up! I like Cola!

Me: Pepsi is better!

Kassy: Bologna.

Illyana: On my dad's back.

Rachael: Covered in sperm.

Me: Being slowly cooked by the sun which is controlled by butter knives.

Cy: Huh?

Illyana: Your mom!

Mike: Is now pleased.

Me: Mike!

Cy: Pleased? My mom's dead.

Mike: I didn't mean your mom! I meant mine.

Rachael: *backs into corner*

Illyana: How did you please her? *smiles*

Mike: You pervert! I would never do that with my mom! My dad's way better!

Ember: French vanilla coffee.

Me: That tastes like oranges.

Rachael: In my vagina.

Illyana: .o.

Rachael: And my penis.

Cy: *twitch*

Illyana: .0.

Mike: Hermaphrodite.

Me: You're the one who liked her.

Illyana: Now he's all for penises.

Mike: What?

Rachael: Why don't you ask Patrick?

Mike: What? Patrick's my best friend!

Illyana: But you're hoping for more.

Mike: I'm straight!

Me: But you said your dad was better than your mom.

Mike: . . .Good point. But that doesn't mean anything!

Illyana: Whatever.

Cy: You guys aren't even talking to me. Can I go now?

Me: *turns and glares at him* No!

Ember: I wanna ask a question!

Me: Go ahead.

Ember: Do you believe in unicorns?

Cy: No.

Ember: *gasps* Unicorns exist! *slaps*

Cy: What was that for? You asked for my opinion!

Me: Doesn't mean that she was going to like it.

Kassy: When do I get to die?

Illyana: Do I get to kill her?

Me: No. You're killing Rachael.

Illyana: I can kill both.

Me: I said no.

Illyana: T.T

Mike: Cyborg, before the car accident, did you ever masturbate?

Cy: What's with all the personal questions?

Rachael: So you have, haven't you?

Cy: No! Of course not!

Illyana: Why not?

Cy: Because I didn't need to.

Mike: So you were a pimp.

Cy: No!

Illyana: Sounds like it.

Cy: But I wasn't.

Me: How about now? You a pimp now?

Cy: NO! I am not, never have been, and never will be a pimp!

Kassy: Not even on Labor Day?

Cy: What does Labor Day have to do with anything?

Ember: Everything! Labor Day is the most important food group!

Cy: I swear, you guys are confusing me.

Me: No, you're confusing us. You only think you're confused.

Cy: Now I know I'm confused.

Mike: That's what they want you to think.

Cy: *holds head* I'm part computer and I don't understand a word any of you are saying.

Rachael: Then you must not speak English.

Cy: Of course I do!

Mike: Well we speak French.

Illyana: Yeah. Maybe that's why you can't understand us.

Rachael: Or maybe it's because he's a pimp.

Cy: I'm not a pimp!

Rachael: That's what they all say.

Me: Have you ever played COD?

Cy: COD?

Mike: Call of Duty.

Cy: No.

Ember: But you play video games all the time.

Cy: So? Doesn't mean I've played it.

Mike: Oh well.

Ember: La.

Me: La.

Illyana: Don't start.

Me&Em: ;_;

Cy: Seriously, anymore questions? If not, I'm leaving. I have things to do.

Illyana: No you don't.

Cy: And how would you know?

Rachael: She doesn't.

Cy: Exactly.

Rachael: 'Cause I do.

Cy: No you don't.

Rachael: Try me.

Illyana: I wouldn't do that if I were you. She's lactose intolerant.

Me: *gasps* Applesauce?

Ember: No. Tissue.

Me: Dammit!

Cy: I'm confused.

Mike: It won't be the last time either.

Ember: Yes it will! This will be the last time you ever breathe!

Mike: o.o What?

Ember: Potato.

Me: That's my word!

Illyana: It's my word! *pulls out switchblade*

Me: Fuuuuuuuuuck!

Ember: Shitdamn!

Me: Shitdamn!

Ember: That's my word!

Illyana: God damn it! Everything's MY word!

Rachael: Nuh uh. Laptop isn't your word.

Mike: Whose word is it?

Rachael: Mine.

Illyana: *stabs Rachael with switchblade* Now it's mine.

Rachael: Kool-aid!

Me: It's cool to have AIDS!

Illyana: Damn right it is!

Cy: Since when has it been cool to have AIDS?

Rachael: Since forever!

Mike: How long is forever?

Ember: Til the coffee talks.

Mike: Oh. That makes total sense.

Ember: You're welcome.

Mike: I didn't thank you.

Ember: Well you should have.

Mike: Well I'm not.

Me: Just thank her so we can continue with the interview.

Mike: No.

Cy: You mean we're still not done?

Rachael: Shut up!

Cy: Why?

Rachael: Because they'll hear you.

Cy: Who?

Illyana: THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!

Me: And Jimmy.

Cy: Jimmy?

Me: My imaginary purple llama.

Cy: I'm being interviewed by wackos.

Ember: I still want a thank you.

Mike: You're not getting it.

Ember: I had better.

Mike: Too bad for you.

Illyana: *stabs Mike* Say thank you!

Mike: Fine! Thank you, Ember! AHHHHH!

Ember: You're welcome. Thanks for helping me out, Illy.

Illyana: I only did it because I needed an excuse for stabbing someone.

Me: Since when have you ever needed an excuse?

Illyana: Good point. *stabs Mike for no reason*

Mike: What was that for?

Illyana: I don't need a reason.

Mike: =_=

Me: *turns to Cyborg* Have you ever wanted to stab someone for no reason?

Cy: No. I'm not homicidal.

Illyana: Being homicidal's fun.

Cy: I don't think so.

Ember: That's because you're a superhero. XP

Cy: So?

Rachael: Superheroes are gay!

Cy: Are not!

Me: Robin.

Cy: Shut up.

Ember: Where'd Kassy go?

Mike: I don't know. I didn't see her when I came here.

Illyana: Then you're a blind mother fucker.

Mike: You don't have to see to fuck your mother.

Cy: o_e

Kassy: I'm back.

Me: Hey! We were just wondering where you were!

Kassy: I went to go get Patrick!

Me: Whyyyyyyyy?

Kassy: I thought it'd be a great chance to make fun of him.

Ember: Good plan.

Me: Maybe you can go get Larissa while you're at it.

Kassy: I'm too lazy.

Me: Well so am I.

Cy: I'll go get this person you're talking about.

Me: Nice try. Like we haven't heard that one before.

Cy: :(

Mike: I'll go get her.

Ember: Then go.

Kassy: Yeah, hurry. I'm supposed to die soon.

Rachael: So am I!

Illyana: But that's nothing new.

Rachael: *sigh* True.

Ember: Do you think we should have one interview without Rachael dying?

Me&Illy: NO!

Me: Our interviews need a Kenny.

Ember: True. Plus, it's fun watching her die.

Cy: You guys were serious about the dying thing?

Ember: Duh!

Illyana: We're gore lovers.

Me: :) Better get used to it.

Cy: :(

Ember: *hits Cyborg* Stop it!

Cy: What?

Ember: I hate sad people!

Me: She does.

Ember: Grrrrr. *hits Cyborg again*

Kassy: I'm bored.

Me: Then ask him a question.

Kassy: I'm too lazy to think.

Illyana: *takes out switchblade* Come up with a question, now!

Kassy: Maybe later.

Illyana: I said now.

Kassy: But I don't wanna.

Illyana: God dammit! NOW!

Kassy: Get me some coffee first!

Illyana: I'm not your servant.

Kassy: Do you want to be?

Illyana: No.

Kassy: Too bad.

Illyana: You don't want to play with me.

Kassy: I know. I want coffee. Now go get it.

Illyana: Get it yourself.

Kassy: I'm too lazy.

Mike: I'm back! And I got Larissa!

Larissa: I thought I was supposed to be in the next one!

Me: Not anymore. You're in this one.

Larissa: I wanted to be in the next one.

Me: Well, Jordan's going to be in the next one.

Larissa: So?

Ember: NICKELS!

Me: My point exactly.

Cy: Do you need this many people to help you interview me?

Me: Yes! Ember helps with the randomness, Mike helps with the pervertedness, Illyana helps with the aggressiveness, Rachael's our Kenny, Kassy will be our random person who dies, and Larissa's her best friend.

Cy: I still don't see the point in all these people.

Me: There is no point.

Cy: So can we just cancel this whole thing?

Ember: No.

Cy: Why not?

Ember: Because maybe we don't want to.

Rachael: And maybe we want to lick lollipops.

Mike: My lollipop.

Larissa: No one wants your lollipop.

Me: That's because you're the "pure and innocent" virgin.

Larissa: So? I respect my body.

Illyana: But that's boring.

Mike: *to Cyborg* Are you a virgin?

Cy: Yes.

Illyana: Sucks for you.

Cy: You guys are younger than me!

Me: That's what Robin said.

Illyana: Too bad we don't care.

Mike: We live our lives the way we want.

Kassy: I still want my coffee.

Illyana: Go get it then.

Kassy: I asked you to get it.

Illyana: And I said no.

Kassy: Rachael, get my coffee!

Rachael: Make me, bitch!

Kassy: You really want me to make you?

Me: I got money on Rachael!

Kassy: Thanks for the support. *sarcastic*

Me: No problem.

Cy: I don't think there should be any fighting.

Illyana: I've already stabbed two people. Don't you think it's a bit late for that?

Cy: . . .

Illyana: Thought so.

Kassy: Not to mention, I'm going to die.

Rachael: I'm going to die betterer!

Cy: So are we done here?

Me: Do we look done?

Cy: Yes?

Ember: Wrong! *gets tayzer and tazes Cyborg* Bzzzzzzz!

Cy: AH! Wait. That's a dry board eraser.

Ember: No it's not! It's a tayzer! See! *zaps Cyborg* Bzzzzzzz!

Larissa: I wanna see the tazer!

Ember: No! It's mine! And you didn't spell it right!

Larissa: Fine. Be that way.

Ember: I will be that way.

Cy: Can we please just get this over with?

Me: Don't rush us!

Patrick: Okay. I'm here.

Me: NOOOOOOOOOES!

Patrick: Oh. Hey, Ashleigh.

Me: Get away from me you sicko.

Patrick: What'd I do?

Rachael: You're gay!

Patrick: What? No I'm not!

Illyana: Yes you are. You're Mike's lover.

Patrick: No I'm not! I'm not gay!

Mike: Ew! I'm not gay either! Besides, I like someone. Who is a GIRL!

Me: Ooh! I wanna guess who it is!

Mike: I'd like to see you try.

Cy: So does this mean I can go?

Kassy: No. We're not done with you. You can't leave until I die or Rachael dies.

Me: Or until I guess who Mike likes.

Cy: This is going to take forever.

Me: Are they in gifted?

Mike: Yes.

Me: Our grade?

Mike: Yes.

Cy: Would you hurry up?

Ember: Don't rush us! *tazes with tayzer* Bzzzzzzz!

Cy: =_= Someone get me out of here.

Rachael: I wanna help Ashleigh!

Patrick: I already know who he likes.

Ember: Shut up! No one cares about you!

Patrick: Then why am I here?

Kassy: To get me coffee. Now go!

Patrick: *mumbles* Whatever. *goes to get coffee*

Kassy: Yay!

Me: Is it Holly?

Mike: I told you, I got over her.

Me: So you say.

Rachael: That's what you want us to believe.

Illyana: We all know you still lust for Holly.

Holly: What?

Me: Go awaaaaaaay! *pushes Holly out door*

Rachael: Why'd you do that?

Me: She doesn't come in til next time.

Illyana: Do I get to kill her?

Me: No, but you get to severely injure her.

Illyana: I can't wait!

Cy: Would you hurry up?

Ember: I said don't rush us! *tazes with tayzer again* Bzzzzzzz!

Cy: That's getting really annoying.

Ember: No it's not. *tazes with tayzer* Bzzzzzz!

Rachael: Is it me?

Mike: No.

Me: Liar.

Mike: What?

Me: You like her.

Mike: Used to like her.

Rachael: *relieved*

Me: Dammit.

Patrick: *comes back* Here's your coffee.

Kassy: Yes! *drinks coffee* I want more cinnamon! *throws coffee at Patrick*

Patrick: *burned by coffee* AHHH!

Ember: *tazes Patrick with tayzer* Bzzzzzzzzz!

Patrick: What the hell?

Ember: I tazed you. See? *tazes with tayzer* Bzzzzzzz!

Kassy: Go get me a new coffee.

Patrick: No. You just burned me with this coffee.

Kassy: That's because you did it wrong.

Ember: Go get her the coffee or I will taze you with my tayzer!

Patrick: *sighs* Fine.

Ember: And get me one too!

Patrick: *leaves to get coffees*

Cy: I'm not even being interviewed anymore.

Ember: Fine. Are you happy about your condition?

Cy: This robotic stuff? Semi-ly. I miss my old self, though.

Ember: Okay. Now we continue on who Mike likes!

Kassy: Yeah!

Illyana: Is it. . .Ally?

Mike: Which one?

Illyana: Amick.

Mike: Noooooo.

Illyana: Good. She's a bitch.

Me: Amen.

Larissa: I'm being ignored.

Cy: Join the club.

Ember: *gasps* Club? What club? I wanna join? Is there some secret initiation? I can use my tayzer! *waves tayzer around*

Illyana: Ember, shut up.

Ember: No thanks.

Me: We're trying to find out who Mike likes.

Ember: Oh. Right.

Me: Is it Zoie?

Mike: No!

Rachael: What's wrong with Zoie?

Mike: Nothing. I just don't like her.

Ember: Is it Patrick?

Mike: =_= I already told you, I'm not gay.

Illyana: Sorry. It's hard to believe.

Mike: XP

Cy: Can I please go now?

Me: No! So stop asking! We will tell you when you can go!

Cy: :(

Rachael: Is it Allison?

Mike: Allison who?

Rachael: Chow?

Mike: No. I barely know her.

Me: Her name's not Allison.

Ember: Yeah. It's Nosilla.

Mike: What?

Me: That's her name backwards. Except backwards it's the Spanish pronunciation.

Ember: Yeah. So now it's No-see-ya.

Mike: Ah.

Larissa: Do you like Toni?

Mike: NO!

Me: Larissa, that was a very stupid question.

Larissa: No it wasn't.

Ember: Yeah it was. Mike doesn't know Toni that well.

Patrick: *comes back and hands Ember and Kassy their coffees* Here!

Kassy: Yay!

Ember: I wanted lemonade.

Patrick: You said you wanted coffee!

Ember: I changed my mind!

Patrick: Then give me the coffee and I'll get you lemonade.

Ember: No! I want the coffee too. Now go get me lemonade.

Me: And get me a Pepsi!

Patrick: Since when did I become a butler?

Illyana: Since now.

Patrick: *sighs and leaves*

Mike: You guys are never going to guess.

Me: Don't discourage us! We will figure it out!

Larissa: Do you like Illyana?

Mike: Heck no!

Illyana: Good. *puts gun away*

Me: *to Ember* Should we kill Patrick off in this interview?

Ember: *shakes head* Nah. He makes a great servant.

Me: Good point.

Cy: Can I go now?

Me: Didn't I tell you to stop asking?

Cy: But you're not asking me any questions!

Me: I just did.

Cy: You're not interviewing me.

Me: Why does it have to be all about you?

Cy: You're interviewing me!

Ember: Stop being selfish!

Cy: =_= I'm so ready to quit.

Rachael: Do you like Larissa?

Mike: NOOOOO!

Larissa: *hurt*

Me: Told ya you were too innocent. No one likes that crap anymore.

Larissa: Shut up!

Kassy: Yeah. Shut up! She's my best friend.

Ember: So?

Me: She's annoying.

Kassy: And?

Illyana: *rolls eyes* Like you two don't fight.

Me: This is not the time for personal problems. This is an interview.

Cy: Thank you!

Me: But first we must discover who Mike likes.

Cy: =_=

Kassy: Do you like Ashleigh?

Patrick: *comes back with drinks* He had better not.

Me: I told you, stay away from me creepo! But first, bring me my Pepsi!

Patrick: *gives Ashleigh her Pepsi*

Me: Now go away.

Ember: Where's my lemonade?

Patrick: *hands Ember her lemonade*

Rachael: So do you?

Mike: What?

Kassy: Do you like Ashleigh?

Me: *glares at Mike*

Mike: No.

Me: *pats Mike's head* Smart choice.

Patrick: Very smart.

Me: Shut up! No one cares about you!

Patrick: Some people do.

Me: I'm sorry for those idiots.

Mike: Hey! I'm one of those idiots!

Ember: Her point has been proven.

Illyana: Do you like Ember?

Mike: *silence*

Me: Jackpot!

Ember: o.o

Rachael: If you like her, ask her out.

Mike: But this is an interview!

Cy: So I'm not the only one who knows that?

Ember: Shut your face!

Rachael: So?

Mike: Ember. . .will you go out with me?

Ember: Uhhhhhh. Lemme think about it.

Mike: Better than a no.

Me: Let us continue with the interview now!

Cy: Thank you!

Kassy: *chokes and starts writing on the floor*

Me: *glares at Patrick* You poisoned her coffee, didn't you?

Patrick: What? No!

Illyana: I did.

Me: I said you couldn't kill her!

Illyana: Like I was really going to listen to you.

Me: You've got a point.

Cy: You killed her?

Ember: We just said that. God you're slow.

Cy: How could you kill her? Wasn't she your friend?

Me: Was our friend.

Ember: You can't be friends with dead people.

Cy: . . .

Rachael: It's true.

Me: You know, now we only need to kill Rachael.

Mike: Wait! So, what's your answer, Ember?

Ember: *narrows eyes* I said let me think!

Me: You're never getting an answer, Mike.

Mike: ;_; Why not?

Me: Because Ember can't think.

Ember: Rawr! *tazes Ashleigh with her tayzer* Bzzzzzzz!

Me: *is tazed* AH! *collapses to ground*

Cy: Are you going to ask me anymore questions?

Illyana: Eventually.

Cy: Can it be soon? The Titans might need we any second.

Me: Well, fuck them! We're busy!

Larissa: *crying*

Illyana: You're such a wuss.

Larissa: You just killed my best friend!

Illyana: And? Stop being so sensitive!

Me: Do you want to join her?

Larissa: NO!

Me: Too late. I've made up my mind. Illyana!

Illyana: YEAH! *stabs Larissa through the head* Night night!

Larissa: *dies*

Cy: O_O

Rachael: How am I going to die?

Illyana: You shall see.

Cy: Are you done yet?

Me: You're annoying me with your questions.

Ember: Patrick! I want more lemonade!

Me: And I want more Pepsi!

Patrick: Get it yourself, Ember! But I'll get the Pepsi.

Me: No, Ember's my friend. Get her the lemonade.

Patrick: Fine.

Me: *to Ember* He scares me.

Ember: I can kick his ass if you want.

Me: No. Then he can't be our butler.

Ember: After the interview.

Me: Will he be okay by the next interview?

Ember: Maybe.

Me: That's good enough for me!

Ember: Yes!

Illyana: I wanna help!

Me: Sure.

Rachael: What about me?

Illyana: You'll be dead.

Rachael: Oh. Right.

Me: *to Cyborg* Do you feel we wasted your time?

Cy: Very.

Ember: Do you like writing?

Cy: Not really.

Illyana: What's your favorite ice cream flavor?

Cy: I'm not sure. Chocolate.

Me: Racist!

Cy: What?

Me: You're black and your favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate which is brown which signifies black people. RACIST!

Cy: I am not racist.

Mike: Prove it.

Cy: How?

Me: Give Mike $100, 000

Cy: Are you crazy?

Mike: Do what she says!

Cy: Later.

Me: We'll remind you.

Cy: Fine.

Rachael: *gasps* We never went to the strip club like we planned!

Illyana: Dammit!

Mike: Awwwww!

Me: Next time guys. We were too busy with other stuff.

Mike: Fine.

Me: *to Cyborg* What's your favorite singer/band?

Cy: I'm not sure. I like the Black Eyed Peas and Eminem.

Me: Eminem's the best rapper eva! Besides Lil' Wayne.

Illyana: Don't forget about the Black Eyed Peas.

Me: Yes, they're awesome, too.

Patrick: *comes back with drinks*

Me: *dumps drinks on his head*

Patrick: What the hell?

Me: I felt like it.

Ember: One last question before we kill Rachael and end the interview.

Rachael: Yes!

Illyana: Hurry it up then!

Mike: Ember! You still haven't answered me!

Ember: I will after Rachael dies!

Rachael: How am I dying?

Illyana: That's for me to know!

Rachael: I'm impatient!

Me: Shut up! Okay, Ember. Ask the last question.

Cy: Thank God.

Ember: Can you talk to rocks?

Cy: . . .No. I don't think anyone can.

Ember: You're wrong! I can! And they love me!

Cy: That's good for you. Can I leave now?

Me: No. You have to watch Rachael die.

Illyana: Okay. Everybody out of the room!

Me: Whyyy? I wanna see Rachael die!

Illyana: You are. Just get out.

Me: Fine. *leaves with Ember, Mike, Cyborg, Illyana and Patrick.

Rachael: *follows*

Illyana: No. You stay here.

Rachael: Fine.

Me,Em,Mike,Illy,Cy,&Pat: *watching through a window into the room as gases fill it*

Rachael: *cough* What is this stuff? *cough, cough*

Illyana: Poisonous gases.

Rachael: *cough* Oh. *cough* Crap. *clutches throat and collapses and dies*

Illyana: Well, there you go. *turns to Cy* You might wanna vacuum the room of the gases. See ya! I gotta get some beer to celebrate! *leaves*

Mike: Me and Patrick are going to go play some video games. But wait! What's your answer, Ember?

Ember: Fine. I'll go out with you.

Mike: YES! Okay, see ya guys next time! *leaves with Patrick*

Me: *stares at Ember* I can't believe you said yes.

Ember: *shrugs* Whatever.

Me: *shakes head* Anyways, Cyborg, thank you for the great interview. I'm sure our readers will enjoy it.

Cy: But I barely did anything.

Ember: Shut up! She's talking! *tazes him with tayzer* Bzzzzzz!

Cy: =_= Continue.

Me: I can't wait until we interview you again. I would tell you to warn the person who's next, but you probably haven't had contact with them in awhile. So we'll just do it ourselves.

Cy: Okay? Wait, interview me again? What do you mean?

Me: Anyways, Ember and I have some "shopping" to do, so you're going to have to deal with the dead bodies. We don't care what you do with Kassy or Larissa. They're not coming back. But you have to put Rachael on her doorstep. She needs to revive herself and freshen up for next time. Thanks again! *leaves*

Ember: Hey. Hey, Cyborg!

Cy: What?

Ember: COLA! *tazes with tayzer* Bzzzzzz! *runs away*

Cy: I'm updating the security systems first chance I get.

**End of Interview**

* * *

**Author's Comments:**

**Phew! Been a looooooong time since I've update this huh? 4 months in fact. Sorry it took so long. I just now found the paper I wrote it on. Although it was only the 1****st**** two pages. I forgot I never finished this. So I just now finished it.**

**Also, sorry it's not that random. I'm just refreshing myself. But next time, watch out for waaaaay more randomness.**

**My best friend – not Ember – Jordan (a.k.a. Everygirlneedshervampire) is going to be in the next one, too. From then on, she will be a regular in the interviews just as Ember, Rachael, Mike, Illyana, and I are. I'm debating on keeping Patrick as a regular.**

**Patrick is my ex. Which explains the hostility thrown at him by me. XD And the fact that he's our personal butler.**

**Anyways, I'm still not telling who's next. That will a surprise for when it comes out. ;)**

**Lastly, when I first began writing this (4 months ago) Mike really did like Rachael. I put it in her so when she read it, Mike would be humiliated, Rachael would freak out, and Rachael's boyfriend (now her ex) would get angry. It would've been a sight to see. But now, Rachael and her boyfriend broke up, and Mike asked Ember (my best friend!) out. So now, I'm pretty hostile towards Mike. Gotta protect my BFF, right? Review if you know what I'm talking about. Review even if you don't.**

**Until next time~!**


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